Identity rant.

First, I feel like I need to make excuses for not writing anything in so long, even though no one reads this blog.  I blame it on Facebook.  This rant is too long for Facebook though.

These days we have lots of "profiles" out there to tell people who we are.  Most of them, such as Facebook, LinkedIn, or Twit-head, are fairly generic.  You answer some questions and it builds a nifty little profile of some sort.  It seems like the most common thing they use to identify you (besides your name, of course), is your occupation.  For those us in an extended un- or under-employed situation, this can cause a bit of an identity crisis.  Recently, I discovered that I have too many identities, and for some reason, I am bugged that I allow others (human, software, or otherwise) to define who I am.  I would now like to take this opportunity  to define myself.  On my own terms.

First and foremost, I am a husband.  That is my most important calling, identity, role, or job.  (Okay, yes, technically, I am first a child of God, but that's different.)  I know I do not always show it in my actions, and for that I apologize, and at the same time, I am making a renewed commitment to show that in my actions.  My wife is the most important "thing" I have in this life (though of course, she is not in my possession, so to speak).  Ironically, what my wife desires that I do to make her most important in my life is to actually put the number two "thing" in my life in front of everything.

Secondarily, I am a father.  My wife wants me to put my kids in front of her to show her that I truly love her. Okay, I can see that.  Anyway, these two are very closely related.

Naval Officer.  Even though it is currently only a part-time gig, I am proud of my military service.  I do not mind being defined by that one.  As a matter of fact, I kind of like it.

Civil Air Patrol Chaplain.  I enjoy the work I do with my colleagues in the Civil Air Patrol as well as with the cadets.  It is rewarding work, and helps me be a better person.

Hospice Chaplain.  (Okay, this is getting harder than I thought, and I think the rest of the list sort of runs together, and are of similar importance in my life.)  I have enjoyed this new role, responsibility, identity, or whatever more than I thought I would.  I feel privileged to be able to associate with some of these people.  I feel honored to be let into their homes and into their lives.  I am humbled that they share their lives, past and present, and their spirits with me.  I also enjoy the people I get to work with.  They are, for the most part, a group of good people, and good group of people.  They care about others and do what they can to help others (including me) feel good about themselves.

Home Teacher and Gospel Doctrine Teacher.  I couldn't decide which to list first, so they get to share a paragraph.  I will admit: I like talking.  I like sharing what I've learned with others, and in return having them share with me.

Barbershop Singer.  Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy it, but it's a hobby.  A hobby for which I am late now, so I must bid adieu.  (To yieu, and yieu, and yieu.)

Clinical Pastoral Education Student.  Well, I really do have to go, and didn't get to the sort of main-ish point, okay, not main, secondary.  I didn't get to the secondary point yet.

Me again, from halfway across the world.

Apparently I keep forgetting about this. Too much going on my life, I guess. I choose to write in my real-world, physical, pen and paper journal instead. Additionally, I go stretches without internet accessibility, so even I remembered, it's not possible to update. I guess I really am rambling now. I should go to bed.

So much for consistency

Apparently, I mentioned in my last post that I was going to try and write something every week. Didn't happen. It's been a busy summer, and somewhat exciting in some regards. I spent three weeks in Hawaii (on assignment with the Navy). I really enjoyed many aspects of that assignment. I liked most of the people I worked with; I liked my shifts, and the time off; and I mostly liked my job. I was home for a week, and then off to Korea for two and a half weeks (once again, on assignment with the Navy). I did not enjoy most aspects of that assignment. I liked a couple of the people I worked with; my berthing (billeting, for you Army types) situation and my shifts left a lot to be desired; and I sort of liked my job. (If for some reason, you seek specifics or details, feel free to ask; of course, that would imply that someone is actually reading this.)

I wrapped up all my paperwork for my Navy Chaplain package, and then was told that there was more. I am trying now to meet an Oct. 20th deadline to have all my paperwork looked at in November. I have completed all the things I need to do, and even a few things that others are supposed to do. The three final things that I know of are:

1. the paperwork on the interview I did on Friday, which is supposedly in process,


2. the Conditional Release, which is supposedly in process as well, lost at BUPERS,


3. and my CO's recommendation, which I just wrote and is now signed and just needs to be delivered to the recruiter's office.

I am losing faith that it will all happen by this Wednesday. I guess there's always next month, which delays everything else, including and most importantly, my paycheck. I guess I won't get one of those for several months still.

Nothing really.

So I don't really have much of interest, but I figured I should make a habit of writing something here every week so I don't forget about it again, especially since I have so much time on my hands these days. First, that picture over there on the left: I was going to post a picture that we took a few weeks ago in front of our house, but it's either still on the camera, or on the other computer, and I am too lazy to fix the situation right now. As you can see, this is a low-resolution proof not intended for distribution. I was regretting not having ordered a copy of this picture, but realized that it's out of date anyway. Kind of makes me think, what's the point of paying money for a family portrait that will be outdated upon the arrival of the next child? Next, update on jobs and Navy stuff: there is no real update. I am waiting on letters of recommendation to flow in, and trying to figure out if I can just send them a copy of my most recent health assessment thing or if I need a new one for some reason (the recruiter and civilian processor share the same apathy for my situation and do not respond to my inquiries in a timely manner, or any manner for that matter, come to think of it, neither one has responded to an email or returned a phone call). I started looking into ADT (Active Duty for Training) opportunities (basically, it's a different pot of money beyond my "two-weeks a year") and was initially encouraged at the many opportunities that were listed, including one in Panama for 45 days. That position was already filled and I have not heard back on any others, we shall see what the future holds. Last, the mundane activities of the last week or so: The yard looked really nice for a few days, but the grass grows quickly and now it's just nice, not really nice. We had fun on Memorial Day playing softball up in Salt Lake with my brother's family. We had a flag ceremony here in the morning, did some stuff around the house, then drove up there for a picnic and softball. Belle's urologist thinks her problems are caused by repetitive UTI's. After we clear this one up he wants to maintain her on a low dose of antibiotics as a prophylaxis (a preventive measure). We had fun playing on the ward coed softball team last night as well. We are preparing for our trip to California and Disneyland, but it's hard because Amy and I have very different opinions of what makes a good vacation (fill every waking minute of every day with some scheduled activity or event: Amy, v. kick back, relax, do a few things here and there as the urge comes: me).

As Promised

So, I said I would say something about my drive down. I drove all the way to the California border without stopping. No food breaks, no restroom breaks, and most importantly, no stops to get gas. One tank, all the way to Primm, NV (right on the CA border). Pretty cool, huh?

Okay, while that is cool, that's not what I really wanted to say about the drive. I was listening to the CDs of the most recent LDS Chaplains' Seminar (and by the way, Carrie, thanks for you words, I obviously did not hear them when they were delivered) and based on what a few different speakers had said, I felt like I needed to talk to my Heavenly Father and explain my current frustrations and confusions. So I stopped the CD and started praying. I explained that I knew I had been called to the chaplaincy, but was doubting if the details of my call were of my own choosing, or part of the call. I wondered if I should start looking for a primary career and be a chaplain in the reserves instead. I even wondered if I should look into the Army since I know they are still hiring. I got the distinct impression that I should "Stay Navy" (it's a slogan from the Navy Reserve). I also felt like I should pursue an appointment as an active duty chaplain. I almost felt like the Lord was telling me "I have a spot for you." I am still trying to figure out if these are my own thoughts and feelings talking to me, or if this really is inspiration. I really want it to be what the Lord is telling me, but often when we are so attached and emotionally involved in the situation it is easy to confuse our own feelings with what the Lord is telling us. It would take a miracle for me to be headed to school before next March, but all things are possible for God (by definition, that's what a miracle is). President Boyd K. Packer said that he once had a question and President McKay advised him how to proceed. He did not see how to go forward and President (then Elder) Harold B. Lee told him that the problem was that he (President (then Elder) Packer) wanted to see the end from the beginning and he replied that he just wanted to see a few steps ahead. President Lee told him that "you must learn to walk to the edge of the light, and then a few steps into the darkness; then the light will appear and show the way before you." Ether 12:6 concludes "dispute not because ye see not, for ye receive no witness until after the trial of your faith." Nephi relates that he "was led by the Spirit, not knowing beforehand the things which I should do" (1 Nephi 4:6). I apologize for rushing through here and not crafting my thoughts better, but I have to go stand watch soon. I am reminded of one of my favorite hymns, "Lead, Kindly Light." The first verse says basically, I used to like to see the whole thing, but now I am fine with You just showing me one step. That sounds like where President Packer was. Sometimes we don't even get that one step. That makes life hard sometimes. So, even though I have no idea when I will actually be an active duty chaplain, and if I will have to be a reserve chaplain for awhile first, I do know that Heavenly Father knows. And even though I wish He would tell me, I know that it will all work out in the end. Gotta run.

Playing War in San Diego

Well, I nearly forgot I even had this blog. I am in San Diego participating in a Navy exercise called Terminal Fury. Fun stuff. I'm in a pretty nice hotel. I stand watch from 1600 to 2000 (4 pm to 8 pm) so I don't go in until 1100 or 1200. This morning I went golfing before work. It was an executive-type course (nine short holes, all par-3), and I was all over the place. I managed several pars even though I didn't drive the green (land on the green with my first shot). Ironically, the only hole that I did drive the green was a 200+ yard hole, the longest hole on the course. I used my seven iron. Not only did I dive the green, but I was eleven feet from the hole. It was beautiful! Unfortunately I was not able to make the put even after I dropped a second ball after the first missed put. I figured two misses must be legitimate. On one hole, I got a four three times. When my "drive" went off the the left I dropped another one. When my chip flew over the green, I dropped another one. All three went in on the fourth shot. Destiny. On the last hole my "drive" went about thirty feet in the air ... and only thirty feet forward. As was my pattern since there was no one behind me and I was playing by myself, I dropped another ball and drove it right next to the green. Okay, not right next I was several yards off (but had the length). I chipped it into the bunker so I dropped another one, and chipped it into the bunker on the other side of the green. Then I chipped the first bunker ball out of the bunker, across the green and right into that same bunker that had my other ball. Then the ball that had only been in one bunker didn't make it out of the bunker, so now both balls had two shots out of a bunker (plus the drive and the chip into the bunker makes four shots). So now they are both finally on the green in four. Then I went back to the one that had originally gone only thirty feet but then hit right up to the green, and chipped it up a few feet from the cup and putted it in for a four. So the best ball was actually the original ball that only flew thirty feet. Go figure.

After the round of golf I came back and went swimming for a few minutes before showering and heading out for work. The first half of work was a little boring, and the second half was sort of fun (but I can't talk about it). I can say that I sat in a room that looked sort of like a small control room from a shuttle launch or something. There were LOTS of screens up front with various status boards and maps and stuff. Even as cool as it was, the novelty wore off soon and it got boring by the end of my shift.

I had meant to write about my drive down, but I guess that will have to wait, it's late and I need to be in bed.

Washingtont state

So, here I am in Washington (state). I do have a bit more free time on my hands so I figured I should update the world (or the two or three people in the world that read this blog). I flew in Monday. Drove around Seattle a little and then up north to NAS Whidbey Island near Oak Harbor. It was about a two hour drive or so. I checked in and vegged a little that night. (Wow, spellchecker did not underline "vegged.")

Tuesday morning I went to the chapel early and met Chaplain Schmidtlein (as in, said hello to, not introduced myself to) and the other chaplains and chapel staff (as in introduced myself too, I had never met any of them). I followed Chaplain Schmidtlein around some the first day and attended a class that he facilitated on suicide awareness and prevention. It was determined that I would preach this Sunday, so I worked on my sermon most of the day Wednesday. I worked on my sermon some more on Thursday (I'm a slow sermon writer, that will have to change soon) and started working on an outline of a book (as in outlining what the already written book says, not outlining what a book I will write will say) with the intent of teaching a marriage seminar someday. Friday I tagged along to a command meeting.

Friday night I saw in the base paper an announcement about a 5K/10K that would be the next day, Saturday. I decided to think about it and then went to a movie at the base theater. Well, I woke up Saturday and decided that I couldn't spend ALL day driving around Oak Harbor and/or Burlington. So I decided to run the 5K. As I was checking in I saw all the kids and people with dogs and strollers checking in for the 5k so I felt shamed into running the 10k instead. Wow! It was long. Who would have ever thought that I would run a 10K, period. Not to mention, on a whim, with no training. And all of that, while on a pseudo vacation. What was I thinking? My feet hurt. And my knees.

I started running with a couple of guys that I met before the race (I never actually "met" them, we just talked some, I still have no idea what their names or anything about them). I asked what there supposed pace was and they said ten minute mile. I decided to stick with them even if it was a little slower than my goal, especially since I haven't been running a lot recently. We did the first mile in about eight minutes, and the second as well. We went single file to run around the turnaround point and I never hooked back up with them. I ran a little bit with another guy but he was not talkative and kept the same pace as them. Then I ran with this lady for a little bit that was a little more friendly. We ran about 3/4 of a mile together but she was running about the same pace as well. I backed off a little and let her keep running. I walked a couple of times between mile marker three and four, and then this other lady pulled up behind breathing hard (like I do, I'm a very loud breather when I run), and she said "I hate running!" I said "I'm with you! I don't like it, but I like eating ice cream, and I like the way my uniforms fit better when I run." I ran the last two miles with her and she was just as chatty as I was. (One of the things I hate about running is how boring it is. I can never find running partners as slow as I am though.) I even had a little left to turn on the after burners the last little bit. I think my time was about 30 seconds shy of an hour. It was brutal. Next time I will train. Better yet, next time I'll just do the 5k (we get the same t-shirt anyway). Or, there may not be a next time.